


See the Blazing Yule Before Us

by headfirstforwaywardhalos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, rated for some of Dean's language, slightly AU, very slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headfirstforwaywardhalos/pseuds/headfirstforwaywardhalos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas's winter stay at the bunker's been pretty productive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See the Blazing Yule Before Us

**Author's Note:**

> A 2013 Secret Santa present for [ibelonginstarfleet](http://ibelonginstarfleet.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As organized by [Deancasweek](http://deancasweek.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ~~
> 
> * Slightly au in that it really is Ezekiel, or any other angel with good intentions, possessing Sam, and that they allow Cas to stay at the bunker with them. Also, Spn 9.04 Slumber Party doesn't take place.

Cas was in a frenzy about the holiday season. 

He had taken to looking up winter menus and pictures of living rooms with flawlessly ornamented conifers and glowing fireplaces and seamless stockings on the mantle. Within the span of a week and a half he had managed to get the entire first floor of the bunker smelling like cinnamon and pumpkin spice with his unceasing attempts at reproducing the winter-themed drinks Sam told told him about. In another two weeks, the usually spotless kitchen was covered with sprinkles of flour and sugar, bits of ground meat, various syrups and other things Dean couldn’t even identify. He was only appeased with the apple pie Cas later gave him as a peace offering.

When the pantry stock started to run low Cas turned from food and drink to getting Dean and Sam, whenever they had to leave the bunker for a case, to bring back wreaths and tinsel and baubles and “basically anything and everything even vaguely Christmassy that we can find?”, Dean asked sarcastically and then groaned at Cas’s vigorous nod and Sam’s not-so-subtle jab at his side. And, of course, more ingredients to feed his culinary fit (not that Dean was really complaining about that part ever since Cas had mastered the art of pie).

On the second week of December, after ganking a particularly vicious and stubborn wendigo and sitting through Sam’s lecture on packing warmer clothes (“seriously, Dean, I told you to get the thermal underwear set”), they came back to fairy lights decorating the staircase railing and Kevin grimacing in a Santa’s elf felt hat with matching pointy felt ears.

"Kevin?", Sam asked after a beat when a voice with definitely un-Cas-like enthusiasm called out, "Dean, Sam!", before the brothers were barreled into by a figure in vibrant, almost violent, yellow.

Dean huffed. “When did you get here, squirt? And why didn’t you call? And what the hell are you wearing?”, his tone turned skeptical as he gave Charlie a once-over after hugging her.

"It’s a star onesie, dummy." She rolled her eyes before stretching out to show off the shape the pajamas took (complete with a pointed yellow hood). Sam snorted before she turned to hug him too. "And two days after you guys left, I think Kevin said. And I wanted to surprise you guys! Course, I should’ve made sure you’d actually be here to be surprised, but it worked out since I finally got to meet Kevin and work my Christmas magic with Mr. McDreamy with you out of the way”, she grinned through Sam’s bear-hug.

"Mr — what? Who?", Dean spluttered while Sam laughed at the Santa hat she crammed onto his head and set her down. Her grin grew wider as she looked behind Dean, and she whisked Sam and Kevin away, asking about the wendigo with accompanying wild hand movements and proclaiming about FLB’s ingenuity with some of the christmas decor. ("FLB?", he heard Sam ask, bemused. "Foster Li’l Bro", the other two replied simultaneously, Charlie in laughter and Kevin in exasperation.)

"Hello, Dean." Dean turned around to see Cas emerging from the hallway where the bedrooms were, wearing a headband with reindeer antlers. "And Sam", he called out in the direction of the library where Charlie was pointing out cutout snowflakes Dean now saw were taped to the sides of the bookshelves.

"Hey, Cas", Sam boomed. "Hey, Cas", Dean echoed, raising an eyebrow and a hand to fiddle with the antlers.

"A gift from Charlie." Cas beamed. "Well, they were originally meant for you since she didn’t know I would be here, but she thought that I might appreciate them more." His expression grew teasing. "I didn’t disagree."

"Yeah, well, if you wanna look like a loon, feel free, just don’t rope me into it", Dean chortled.

Cas shook his head fondly. He gestured about the room which was now decked in bright greens, reds and blues. “We’ve managed to do much more than I had expected since Charlie’s arrival. She had materials I hadn’t thought of using; it seems she was planning to adorn the bunker singlehandedly.”

"Like what you’ve been doing since way before she got here."

Cas’ smile slipped a little at this, misinterpreting Dean’s playful tone as accusatory. “I’m sorry. I realize I may have gotten in the way several —”

Dean cut him off. “No, man, we all needed some holiday cheer around here, you were just doing what you could”, he finished before flushing when he realized the full meaning of his words. “Fuck, Cas, I’m sorry - I didn’t mean —”

This time Cas interjected, “Dean, it’s alright, I know what you meant.”

There was a pause before Dean cleared his throat. “I, uh, love what you’ve done with the place.” He winced inwardly at the cliché, but Cas didn’t seem to notice.

He smiled warmly. “Thank you. I hope the hunt didn’t wound you or Sam too badly.”

"A few scratches here and there, nothing we can’t patch up", Dean shrugged. Cas nodded in relief.

There was a break in which Cas did his nonchalant staring thing at him, and Dean busied himself by closely examining the faux evergreens lining the ancient computers. They haven’t been left alone with each other ever since he and Sam first brought him to the bunker, and he took Cas aside and told him, in what he hoped were gentle words, not to leave the bunker until they’ve figured out what to do about his gracelessness and the angels on his ass.

And a few weeks after that, Dean noticed that Cas had fallen into a pattern: if he wasn’t helping out Sam and Kevin in their research on the tablet as a translator of dead languages or recollector of knowledge lost to time and disuse — as only a being of several millennia’s worth of existence can be — he was checking the internet for news articles that might have concerned his fallen siblings (with guidance from Dean, Sam and Kevin). If he wasn’t doing that, he was playing housekeeper; putting away referenced material and dusting the encyclopedias and reorganizing the archive records and even baking and cooking, once he’d learned how — as if he were on autopilot, Dean realized with a start.

He looked at Cas, who was staring at him patiently until he noticed the shift in Dean’s demeanor and looked away. Dean opened his mouth.

"Cas, are you okay?"

He looked at him with furrowed brows. “Of course, Dean. Why wouldn’t I be?” His answer was almost defensive. Dean took a step closer, frowning.

“Cas. What’s going on?”

Cas was saved from replying as Sam, Charlie and Kevin walked over to them, with Charlie’s holler of “Dreamy! Where’d you go off to?” Sharp relief flickered on Cas’s face as he saw them, and Dean sighed. There would be a better time to talk about this.

 

—————————–——–-––—

 

It turned out that Charlie had to leave the next day; Gilda was taking advantage of the winter solstice to show Charlie her home, “and I’ve got a surprise for her too, if you know what I mean”, she told Dean in private, nudging him and winking.

"TMI, Red", Dean pretended to gag and ruffled her hair.

After putting most of her bags in her rental, they gathered at the base of the stairwell to bid her farewell as she gave them her presents.

(“When did you get the time to go gift shopping for me and Cas?”, Kevin asked. “You’ve got your powers, I’ve got mine”, she grinned. He gave her a pointed look. “Fine, it was during the grocery run last week”, she said before flicking his nose.)

Dean got a katana from the last Comic-Con she had been to (“Sweet”, he whistled, and pretended to hack at Sam with the sheathed weapon); for Sam, an ebook reader (“Charlie”, he blurted out, eyes wide with gratitude); Kevin, a set of various gourmet coffee and tea blends and organic hot chocolate mixes (“Thanks, Charlie!”, he said as he deeply breathed in the aroma); and a holiday cookbook for Cas.

"Wait, I almost forgot!", she yelped as Cas was about to thank her too. She rummaged in her knapsack before she got out what looked like a pile of white fluff, which she straightened out and slapped onto his back. "Ta-da! Saw it on that grocery run. Sam said they’ve never actually seen the color so sorry if it’s off, but still, perfect timing, eh?" She beamed, not noticing everyone else as they froze or looked stricken or, in Cas’s case, smiled at her sadly and touched what part of the fluff he could reach.

It was a pair of wings.

Her phone began to beep and she looked at the built-in clock. “Shoot, gotta go, the stuff I need’s gonna take a while to get. Later, bitches!”, she said, hurriedly giving everyone last-minute hugs before climbing up the stairs and out the door. 

No one spoke for a while.

Sam, ever empathetic, tried to break the ice. “Cas? Um, are you ok?”, he unwittingly parroted Dean’s question from earlier.

"I’m fine, Sam. Thank you." Cas gave a tired smile. "I’m going to go rest for now, if that’s alright. Pardon me."

It was a reasonable excuse since Cas insisted on cooking up a feast before Charlie had to leave, but Dean knew where to look, and the quiet dejection in Cas’s eyes and subtly slumped shoulders said otherwise.

He knocked on Cas’s door a while later, and on hearing a low “Come in” opened it to find him lying on the bed with his hands clasped together, staring at the ceiling. The cookbook was set on his desk with the wings piled neatly on top of it.

"Kevin made you some cocoa with cinnamon and cream". Dean raised the steaming mug he was holding.

"Please give him my thanks", Cas mumbled. 

Dean put the mug on the bedside table and sat down at the foot of the bed near Cas’ socked feet. Cas made no sign of noticing.

Dean gave him a few minutes.

"I killed an innocent girl because of her parentage, and took the power and passion of one of my sisters who only wanted to help. Most of my sisters and brothers are now locked out of the only home they have ever known because of what I’ve done, and now they’re slaughtering each other for it." Cas’s jaw hardened. "Losing my grace is less than I deserve."

So Dean was right in guessing that Cas was bearing guilt more than he was mourning his grace. He had an answer ready.

"You didn’t know. Everything you’ve been doing up until that sonuvabitch stole your grace, you were doing for those other dickwads. It wasn’t your fault.”

Cas quickly sat up and glared at him. “Regardless of my knowledge at the time, I’m responsible for them. For those who didn’t survive the fall. For the ones who haven’t been on the earthly plane for long, who were thrown into humanity without knowing what to do. Even for the humans those intent on power are taking up as vessels and injuring in the process. I was the one who caused it.”

Dean chewed on the inside of his cheek, moved closer, and covered one of Cas’s knees. “You know you can’t leave, Cas. We don’t know who’s out to get you, or who to trust, and there are too many angels out there to risk it. You won’t be much use to them dead anyway, even if they don’t know it. And Metatron’s been planning this for some time; if it wasn’t you he would’ve found some other angel to do the dirty work for him.”

Cas mulled it over and sighed. “I can’t fix it from here, Dean. If Kevin’s accurate about there being a counter spell, I understand that I have to be a part of it.”

As sudden as his outburst, Cas crumpled towards Dean, sagging and looking exhausted. Dean drew nearer and wrapped an arm around him.

"I just don’t know what to do", he said defeatedly, his words muffled on Dean’s shoulder. "I’ve busied myself with meaningless tasks to avoid thinking about leaving, and when Sam and Kevin told me of the human traditions during your Christmas, well." He looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye. "I suppose you could say that bringing "holiday cheer" has become a bit of a vice for me."

Dean squeezed the hand holding onto Cas’s shoulder and smiled gently. “We’ll find a way out of this mess. Kevin’s nearly done translating the tablet. We’ll rally up the angels once we’ve got evidence that they need you, and with all of them and their grace together we’ll get Metatron. I promise you, we will fix this.”

Cas was still for a few seconds before looking up at Dean, some of the desperation gone from his face, and reaching over to cover the hand Dean placed on his leg with his own. “Thank you, Dean. This was never your burden, or Sam’s or Kevin’s, to bear. I owe you everything.”

Dean flipped his hand so that they were palm to palm. “You owe me jack. We’re family, that’s how it works. I’d do anything for you. You got that?”

Cas blushed and bit his lip. “Yes, I do.” Dean’s smile grew wider as he got up from the bed. “Good. Just so we’re clear.”

He was a few steps from the doorway when Cas said, “I would, too.” Dean turned around. Cas was now standing, still slightly flushed but looking him dead in the eye. “I would gladly give up my life for you, Dean Winchester. You’re worth more than you’ll ever know.” 

Dean stared and blinked at the abrupt pooling of heat at the corners of his eyes. Hastily wiping at them, he went over to press his lips against Cas’s forehead.

"And you’re more than I’ll ever deserve", he murmured. He pulled back, beaming. "Happy holidays, Cas."

Cas beamed back at him. “Happy holidays, Dean.”


End file.
